CHAPTER-1
“ Don’t leave me, I need you to live”,
said Ruma.
Rajesh
was glad to hear this, never, he assured her. About nine months had been taken
by Ruma to say, “ Don’t leave me, I need you to live”.
The events which took place between
Rajesh and Ruma in these nine months, however, were not very significant but
interesting one.
They, Rajesh and Ruma came nearer to
each other because of one thing that is common between the two and that is,
“loneliness”, both were lonely in their own spheres. They, Rajesh and Ruma felt
something missing in them even in midst of their respective families.
Rajesh had got his parents, brothers,
sisters but the pang of loneliness was always there in his heart and what was
more perplexing was that he could not explain it to anyone.
The same was the situation of Ruma, she
too had got parents, sisters and brother but no one could be able to understand
her loneliness she was suffering from.
No member
of their respective families tried to understand them. Always misunderstood by
the members of their respective families. Thus alienation began and both Rajesh
and Ruma were drifted afar from their respective family members.
CHAPTER-2
One fine morning Ruma caught sight of Rajesh near a shop situtated in a street of a town where both live.
Ruma was idle after passing her graduation and Rajesh was busy in preparing for various competitive examinations especially for Indian Civil Services and after doing hard work till midnight Rajesh used to go for walk in the morning i.e. 9.30 AM to 10 AM. It was the time Rajesh felt himself fresh.
Rajesh was in habit of walking slowly with both hands in his trouser’s pockets stooping his head downward feeling the warmth of the sunshine and freshness of morning air.
Ruma has been watching her regularly and she was impressed by his attitude because Rajesh never noticed someone pretty like Ruma was watching him and his nonchalant attitude got Ruma attracted towards him.
It is nature of the girls that if someone passing does not notice the girls, they take it otherwise and in reaction they either get attracted or get detracted.
Ruma came to know about Rajesh’s helping attitude from locals and decided to make Rajesh her friend, philosopher and guide as she too was interested in Indian Civil Services Examination.
One morning Ruma followed Rajesh and when Rajesh stopped near a shop, she went there and asked him that she wanted to build her career with his help and guidance, would he help her?
CHAPTER-3
When Rajesh met Ruma, he soon discovered that she was also suffering from loneliness, of course, the reason unknown to him.
But Rajesh felt pain whenever he met her to counsel. Rajesh always inspired her to write poems, which she used to write from her childhood but she did not respond correspondingly.
When Rajesh started inspiring her in order to be optimistic in life, Ruma digressed and told him that her being eldest in the family, she had much responsibility towards her younger brother and two sisters and of course towards her parents.
Rajesh tried hard to delve deep into her cause of loneliness and gradually he came to know that when Ruma was at school she fell in love and when she became matured her love-life was shattered because her lover had brutally cheated her physically as well as emotionally. She was injured both physically and mentally.
Physical scars were however healed up with the passage of time but emotional and mental scars were discernible on her face as yet.
She was not only emotionally but physically assaulted by her lover but her lover had ditched her when time had come to get married.
She could not sustain her lover’s unfaithfulness, the signs of pain and loneliness were easily visible on her face.
Ruma was not very beautiful but was attractive. Her eyes were so large as they could be compared with a tranquil lake in which one can see the grief of her lost love-life.
When Rajesh met her, her eyes were always full of tearly water. Rajesh used to tell her, “ keep the tear within your eyes as it is precious.
Ruma felt happiness because there was someone who cared for her tears.
Whenever Rajesh met her, he could not endure a grim look on her not so beautiful but attractive innocent face. Rajesh became restless after knowing Ruma’s past sad love-life. He felt more sympathy for her and started taking much care. Gradually Rajesh started persuading her to share her sorrow and loneliness with him and when Ruma got confidence over Rajesh, She confessed what has happened to her right from the school days to her college days.
CHAPTER-4
Ruma told her sad story to Rajesh slowly but steadily as it was very hard to recall painful memory.
She started her story as since her childhood she felt alienated from her father. Being eldest among four children, she used to think that she needed her father’s care, love and sympathy as other child of her age got but her father being workalcoholic proved non-caring father rather she had been abused and beaten of and on by her father, especially when her father was in state of intoxication.
In course of time she attracted towards a neighbour boy, who was flirt and characterless but Ruma did not know then. Gradually she had been traped in his love-trap and became victim of her so called lust. She was emotionally cheated and got physical relation. She got physical relation with her lover when she even did not know what was it ? But her lover was cunning fellow and was in habit of flirting and had got physical relations with many innocent girls.
When Ruma came to know about her so-called lover and his love-lust relationship, it was like bolt from the blue for her. Ruma was emotionally shattered, her dreams turned into ashes.
When Rajesh heard her confession, he was moved so much that he embraced her and consoled her.
Ruma was weeping but with joy. She found a person who could understand her.
In fact she used to think that no one could understand her and that was the reason of her loneliness. When she found one who could understand, her joy knew no bounds. It was the special occasion for her and she celebrated the same by reciting an extempor posey, thus
“ On the way of my dreams,
there was no one ;
to show me the right way,
I think you are the one
For whom I waited,
You are the one
With merits aggregated,
A person who could fulfil my dreams,
Yes you are the one,
Who could show me the right way
the way leading to my dreams. ''
Rajesh got it and told her, look Ruma, the answer of the question could be understood by an example like this, “a guitar is made out of wood and wood comes from a tree. The tree would not feel happy that its wood made into a guitar would later contributed to the melody and harmony of a great musical composition. The pity of the writer is similar to that of a living tree.''
CHAPTER-5
Rajesh, on the other hand, was thankful to Ruma since she was the only one who understand his worth emotionally and educationally.
Now Rajesh was somewhat satisfied that he was able to lessen Ruma's sorrow, if not fully, of course partially. After all, “ it is very hard to make a dejected lover happy.''
When Ruma tried to come nearer to Rajesh, he used to say, Look Ruma, “ beaware of the man whose God is in the sky.'' She never understood the saying but never asked Rajesh to explain the abovesaid saying.
Ruma was not yet made herself understood that a person like Rajesh who is too good to be digested, '' (Ruma used to tell this to Rajesh) could be her's forever.
It was also a fact that till then Rajesh had not develop love for her, however he had hearty sympathy for Ruma. Rajesh being self-centred rather introvert, did not want to get married but Ruma nurtured a dream of getting married with Rajesh and for that she had been trying very hard to come nea,rer to Rajesh.
Ruma was preparing for civil services Examinations being English literature and history as her subjects.
Rajesh used to come at noon to get her prepared for her civil services mains examinations and taught her seriously.
One day Ruma in her joyous mood, asked Rajesh, Sir, How can you explain writer's pity ?
Ruma could not hope that Rajesh would make her understood with such a great example. She once again felt tremendous attraction for Rajesh.
Ruma again asked an important question several times asked in the examination of English literature, why it is said that it is certainly not a contented soul that takes to creative writing ?
Rajesh answered thus, “ one who leads a life in all its fullness would rarely think in terms of make-believe worlds. One wonders whether it is not an incomplete personality that attempts to write or portray imaginary worlds. There are some well known writers who have been sublimated by some void ot the other. Dante had his Beatrice, Shakespeare had his Dark Lady, Leonardo da Vinci had his Monalisa, H.G.Wells had his bad health and recently Hawkins has his quadrapalegic disease. Thus it is certainly not a contented soul that takes to creative writing but one afflicted with angusih and loneliness. ''
Ruma got it very easily ad again felt attraction not as a person Rajesh was but on his way to teach and to get her understood the answer with such a clear concept. Ruma's attraction towards Rajesh was not because he gave the answer but because the way he answered, the simplest way to conceptualise.
One last question, sir, told Ruma and she asked very cryptic question as “ what is the difference between word and smile from the standpoint of literature ?
Rajesh thought a while and answered, thus, “ word is a symbol of bundle of emotions and each word evokes different semantic reactions on the part of readers while smile is also an emotion but physical '' and by giving final touch to the answer, Rajesh ended it by asking a question, “is not the smile of Monalisa more solacing than hundreds of wrtings on love ?
Ruma was awe-struck by the answer given by Rajesh.
Beautiful, Sir, I never thought that such a beautiful and so clear cut difference can be had of the words, like, 'word' and 'smile'.
At last Ruma said soory sir, in fact there was no such question in the sylabus of literature.
Rajesh told her, he knew that but when you asked a question, it was my duty to answer and got you satisfied.
Reading session was completed, Rajesh sipped a cup of tea which had been brought in by Ruma's mother and thereafter Rajesh wanted to go and started going. Ruma followed her to her house gate and asked her, sir, why did not you writed a novel or story? You had got the potential to write, sir.
Rajesh told her that tommorow he would answer her question.
CHAPTER-6
Next day Rajesh was not feeling well and could not able to go to Ruma's house.
Ruma was continuoulsly watching the wall clock and looking towards gate. She felt time stoodstill, every moment was seemed as long as a year. She was sitting standstill over the portico and waited eagerly. In the meantime when the gate was moved, she felt her heart was beating very fast, she went to the gate with a hope to see Rajesh outside but he did not come rather a Postman came to give her a registered letter. She received the same and after traring the envelope she found her admit card for mains examination scheduled to be held next month. She placed the envelope over the table of her room and thought if sir was there he would be excited after seeing her admit card of civil services mains examination. But time passed however very slowely and Rajesh did not come.
Ruma was very upset that day. She was thinking about her past life and its consequences. Her position was very precarious. She had already been defamed because of her previous love affairs in the eyes of her family members as well as in the orthodox society. Being a member of cast-ridden society, Ruma could not be got married because of her defamation.
She could not expect from people of her society to think rationally and logically, what to say about them who clould not understand that love is the most natural thing and to be betrayed in love is also equally natural.
There is nothing wrong in loving and be loved. And so far as physical relation between an unmarried girl and boy is concerned, of course, it is wrong at least in traditional society but in order to decide about one's character, it is not the only yardstick. After all live-in relationship has been accepted by the society as well as by the court of Law, in which unmarried male and female can not only live but can make physical relations as well.
Ruma was drifted afar in the streams of her day-dreaming and she came back, when her mother scolded her once again for sitting idle. Ruma's mother was however very cooperative to her daughter but sometimes she beacame anxious by seeing the habit of Ruma's day-dreaming. If not scloded Ruma used to sit idle for a long hours. At last after being scolded two or three times by her mother, Ruma went to the bathroom and bathed. When she came out of bathroom she was looking fresh no doubt but emotionally she was very upset because of Rajesh's absence.
Ruma could not slept till midnight, different horrible thoughts were disturbing her. Why did not Rajesh come today ? People of the locality told him something fishy about her ? Or he decided not to come agsin ? And so on and so forth.
Actually Ruma was very apprehensive about her past love-affair. What was most disturbing for her was her physical relationship with her ex-lover. She always thought like the other member of a society that her love-affair and physical relation could be a hindrance for a special person like Rajesh to love her and that was the reason for her disturbance.
Rajesh too in his illness not felt well but more painful for him was Ruma's beautiful eyes and innocent face which came up before his eyes as he shut his eyes. He was equally disturbed in the night.
Next day though he was not fully well but he could not resist the temptation to gor to Ruma's house and he went there before the stipulated time.
Ruma after hearing his calls felt tremendous joy but did not show it and came out from her room with seriousness on her face.
Rajesh was feeling too a great joy inside his heart but he too did not show it and made his face serious-looking.
Both Ruma and Rajesh were pretending seriousness though both were tremendously happy , both sat down and a table was in between them.
Ruma broke the silence by asking the same question asked a day before yesterday.
Rajesh got it and told her, I might not be having the potential of a Chetan Bhagat or A Rabindra Singh but the needling experiences that such people went through is a detterent for a person like me, who would like to have a go at writing.
Chetan Bhgat was looked down upon for not being a university wit and the whole literary world refused to touch Rabindra Singh's work till the time he got his work published throug an unorthodox publisher.
Not being a writer, then, is no loss. Instead of projecting a versatile genius or conceptualizing on the experiences and the struggles of mankind or conjuring up visionary lives and worlds, the best thing to do is to stay on a spectator. From this vintage position alone one can know what life is. Not simply knowing but living too. T.S.Eliot conveys, perhaps, the same thing in the lines,
“ Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom.”
Ruma understood what Rajesh wanted to say and turned the direction and asked another question related with her personal life.
Ruma though aloud before Rajesh, if boy have physical relation with a girl, why does only a girl to blame as characterless ? Why not boy ?
Rajesh told her, but these are only lame excuses, would say of orthodox society because our society did not treat girls as human beings. Girls are still treated as “things” to be used and threw away. Till this concept did not change, you did not get the answer of your aforesaid question.
That means, Ruma said, for all of you character lies below the belt.
No, Rajesh said not for me. to be continued.....
Its nice and interesting..
ReplyDeletePleaseeeeeeee publish the next as soon as posible